Gems 💎 from Courtship In Islam.

Week 2 of 4 of Salam Sisters’ Critical Thought Lecture Series 5.

#AUniqueSeptember

Lecture By: Sheikh Suleiman Kibuka

Introduction:

Out of Allah’s Rahma is that He created mates for us from among ourselves to live together in mercy, affection and tranquillity…. Quran Ar-Rum (Q30 v 21).

✅ Marriage has gone through quite a lot of evolution over the years, though the basics are the same. Life and marriage go hand in hand.

🔅Modernity led to a new trend hence a wider spiritual and social implications.

Courtship:

✳️ A new phenomenon than what’s known before.

Islam strongly recommends that anyone that could marry should do so for his or her protection, otherwise such a person should fast. Q24 v 33.

✅ Under normal circumstances, traditionally the two prospective families will gain the support of the couple to make it happen.

❗️Dating and courtship appears foreign in Islam.

‼️The motivation or objective is good sometimes but it doesn’t make it acceptable in the deen.

✅ There must be horizontal (sufficient time to know character) etc, and vertical

❎ Courtship where the prospective couple lives together as married people could result in fitnah. It’s haram.

❇️ Don’t marry anyone you don’t know…in Islam, it’s okay to get to know the person in terms of character, looks, voice, however, the prophet states that there are limits on what to see before you can decide on the person to marry. If you get a chance to examine the person (voice, hands, looks, etc), it must be done under regulation/supervision. Hadith. Request to see the person.

⚠️ Prophet (saw) emphasized not jumping into marriage and frowned upon prearranged marriage not known to any of the prospective parties.

📍 Seek the guidance of Allah after seeing the person… istkhara duaa.

‼️Currently today’s courtship entails a taste of everything ahead of marriage which is a big sin.

❇️ Courtship is haram as it breaches the principles of seclusion because, in Islam, we take a preventive approach.

✳️ Courtship as it’s done in the western world today is forbidden … Doesn’t uphold the moral values of the Islamic faith…

The new trend, ignorance etc is the cause of today’s fitnah.

❕Let’s Refine our intentions. Stop now if you are in such a relationship.

💢💯Let’s ask ourselves the right questions…you won’t take a wrong answer for a right question.

〽️The tendency to lose trust in the elders…however, involve them early though there’s the risk of them influencing your decision.

⭕️❌ Terminologies are irrelevant as long as the values of Islam are compromised, such a system would not deliver any benefit.

💯💯Your relationship with Allah is the most important.

❔⁉️Ask yourself will this person be able to be a brick for you to gain Jannah…???

🚸Wali is very important. It’s someone that looks after the interest of the couple.

In the absence of a wali at the nikhai event, he can delegate.

May Almighty Allah grant those looking to complete their faith the person that will be a source of delight and coolness to their eyes and hearts. Aameen.

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Gems 💎 compiled by a humble servant of Allah...

Gems 💎 from Salam Sisters 5th Critical Thought Lecture Series. WEEK 1 OF 4

#AUniqueSeptember.

🧩 Marriage is just a piece of a bigger puzzle.

Our purpose on earth is to worship Allah. You are not on earth to get married!

➕The idea of marriage is to end up with a synergy where we learn and grow together, which is reciprocal and will aid in the worship of our maker.

⚠️ Marriages can be very dangerous.

Likened to the concept of a black box (on the aeroplane) mentality. The black box records the last 30 mins of a plane crash. The purpose of the black box is to look for the mistake and improve on the next aircraft.

⚜️ It’s a civil contract of the highest order of win-win.

‼️It requires Civility, compassion and justice.

✅ Marriage is a means of getting happier and fulfilling half of one’s faith.

*It’s one of the most important after your shahada.*

📌 Best to exit if you can’t maintain civility.

The moment you start enquiring what your rights are, it means you ought to have started counselling a few years earlier.

There are rights and responsibilities clearly stated in the Quran.

💢 Some look at marriage in a transactional manner.

👩‍⚖️ There must be legal recognition.

Quran uses the metaphor of marriage as a farm which must be approached as such. Cultivation and tillage… germination (fruits, of children, agriculture and forestry (long term).

💯 Islam is about Justice, mercy, wisdom and benefit.

Any ruling that’s contrary to these Is not of the deen.

✅ Marriage is all about Character, competence, relationship and commitment. It’s also a way to pass on the spiritual and ethical legacy.

✳️ Dignity, civility, honour are critical in marriage. Golden rule - love for people what you love for yourself, and the platinum rule - love for people what they love for themselves.

🔆 In marriage, it’s all about the little big things of relationship building and bonding.

🔆 Understand the hardware and software of marital relations.

Just like riding a bicycle, you fall when you stop peddling…so keep moving!

📌 Premarital counselling is absolutely necessary…marriage is like a flowing river…the past 5 years won’t determine the future. Keep rowing so you don’t fall off.

😊People aren’t supposed to suffer in marriage…it’s unislamic to suffer in marriage. Allah is not in support of self-sacrifice that breeds resentment etc.

♻️We would account to Allah what we modelled to our children. Critical to making marriage work, be careful not to damage your children. Recognize that our parents got it wrong, we must be careful not to repeat the cycle of error.

Optimism

Drop any excess baggage before marriage.

Fix it all before you get married.

For those going into polygamy, Go in knowing that you are going there to add value, not compete, nor disrupt. Ensure consent of the co-wife.

May Almighty Allah enable us to worship Him in the best of manners. Amin

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Gems 💎 compiled by a humble servant of Allah...

IslamicGemsByYhets

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